Friday, January 29, 2010

The Good, The Bad and The UGHly!

I'll start off with the good - a short story I submitted to Mezzo Magazine was chosen for publication in their January on-line issue. I couldn't be more thrilled! I have been doing my version of the "happy dance" all week waiting for it to go live. Check it out, it's entitled Where You Least Expect It:

Next, is the bad. I didn't win the Perfect Pitch Contest with Donna Alward. I didn't even make the top eleven. However, I did get back some great feedback from Donna and I think she is very amazing for even holding the contest. I am very embarrassed to find out that I let some grammar errors get through. See what happens when you spend so much time on what you are saying and not enough time making sure you are saying it correctly. Even though I didn't place, I did want to share my pitch and her comments:

Hell Bound is the story of a contemporary demon hunter, consumed by revenge, who finds redemption in the arms of an unlikely savior.

Healer hunts and kills demons on a daily basis, but there is one demon who continues to elude his capture – the demon who murdered his sister two years ago. He has sworn to use any means necessary to destroy this demon, and won’t let anything or anyone get in his way. Now, his closest lead is the demon’s next target, the naive and outspoken Krystina Hall. Krys is a research assistant for the local newspaper and enjoys her normal, easy-going life. All of that changes when she is the witness to a demonic ceremony that results in the murder of her boss; and suddenly she is thrown into the middle of a world she never knew existed.

When Krys shows up at a Catholic Church seeking protection, Healer sees this as the opportunity he has been waiting for to take down his sister’s killer, and he intends to use Krys as bait. Krys only thought she was the one in need of saving, but she soon finds herself willing to do anything to save Healer’s soul from being eaten up by revenge. So she goes along with Healer’s plan on one condition,when she returns to her normal life, he must give up demon hunting and come with her. As they work together to stop a demon from releasing Hell on Earth, they quickly discover true Hell would be to lose one another and the passion they have found.

Donna's comments were that she really liked my logline and the use of the words revenge and redemption. Her more specific comments regarding the body of my blurb were, "Tiny nitpicky item: no conjunction after the use of a semicolon. In your last paragraph, you have a slight problem with tense agreement. "Krys only thought she was the one in need of saving, but she soon finds herself..." First phrase is in past, second in present. Since pitches and synopsis are usually in present tense, I'd simply change it to "Krys thinks she's the one in need of saving, but she soon finds herself..." The onward - after condition I would use an em dash rather than a comma."

Feedback can't get any better than that!

Now for the UGHly - While I have worked quickly to finish my ms and I think my pitch is ready, my inner critic is still plaguing me with doubts about it being ready to submit - is the conflict strong enough? Are the sex scenes sensual enough? Is anyone really going to care about my hero and heroine? Okay, I could go on forever. Well, guess I will be sending the edited pitch in within the next few minutes and then I will have to move on, ready or not.



  1. You do realize that the nitpicky stuff is simply polish, right? :-)

    Thanks for entering, and for sharing your pitch.

  2. and being polished is important. Thanks Donna.

  3. Hi MeliP

    Many congrats on short story placement. A timely morale boost methinks!

    I didn't feature on Donna's pitch either. Just think,there are 79 of us on the "outside 11 team". ;)

    Your pitch, however, is intriguing, and "Healer" resonates good versus evil. Great name, and nice touch!



  4. Hi,
    Congrats on getting the pitch in - hitting send is REALLY hard isn't it!
    Lots of Luck